When I was a child, I love the rain. I love to heard the sound of rain that is so soothing and natural, sniff at the fresh and clean air after rain, watching the rain splashing down on the street as if the crystal of clear and pure falling down onto the earth , it seem to me as if it is a gift from the God.
But now,not anymore, I hate to be alone in the rain. The grumbling sound of thunder and bolts of lightning keep striking at my heart, as if trying to dig out all the painful memories that I tried so hard to bury it in the deepest abyss of my heart. The rain remind me of that very days,the very painful and oppresing 72 hours. The tears that I swallowed and accumulated during those days, keep oozing out of my eyes sockets. The pain that I choose to endure silently and tried so hard to ignored all the time, are magnified and tearing my soul apart.
God,could u just show me some mercy? Can everything go back to the way it was? I cant stand it anymore. I dont want to see those people that I know and care for lying in the coffin, with their eyes closing,and the tears of everyone that I love and care is breaking my heart into pieces. I hate this bleak and cold weather,which wash away all the passion and hopes in my heart.
The wound never fully recover, I never had chance and enough time to heal it completely, as destiny keep making fun of me, and God of Death keep taking away the person i know,trying to mess up my life.
The sweeter the memories the more they hurt.
The more thick and deep cuts it leaves in my hands.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
THE RAIN
Like usual,riding on my ebike, i went to the school. It was spitting, and i thought i could make it to school before the rain poured down. But I was wrong, once I was out of the hostel compound, the rain suddenly poured down and keep splashing on my skin, and the worst,my eyes. I could hardly open my eyes, the rain was hitting at a fast speed onto my poor eyes without any merciness.
I had no other choice,but to get shelter at the university guard house. I didnt dare to enter the guard house, as I know how dangerous and risky it could be.
I squated outside the guard house, trying my best to use my hand to cover my body ,and hide my head in between my knees. It was freezing cold. The rain keep splashing on me, i could heard the rough wind and cars passed by. Part of me hope that someone could stop and give me a hand. But no one did. I was so afraid, and lonely. I was helpless, and destitute of hopes. After 30 minutes, one of the guard who saw me ask me to take shelter in the guard house. I was out of choice.I'm on the verge of breaking down.I would hold on to any straw of hope,in this kind of circumstances.
But just 5 seconds later, i soon regret that i took his offer. There are 6 guards in the small guard house. And I am the only girl inside. Fear loom large in my mind. Sitting there alone to wait the rain to stop, I cant help but feeling depressed and rejected.I had lost the one that would care and love me unconditionally,the one that will put my safety and feeling before himself. My parents were getting older and weaker, and one day they will leave me like he did. And so did everyone that love and care for me. I feel alienated and desperate. Tears stinging the corner of my eyes. I tried my best to hold back the tears. It took me a long while to recover , thanks to the company of a kind friend.
However,just at this very night, I got the news, that my uncle had passed away. Like my life was not miserable enough, the destiny , again, showed me the cruelty of reality, and crushed down the weak barrier that I took so much effort to built to protect my own fragile soul and broken heart. What had I did, to deserve such a harse and cruel fate? to endure such a inhuman hardship?to experience such a heartbreaking feeling????
I had no other choice,but to get shelter at the university guard house. I didnt dare to enter the guard house, as I know how dangerous and risky it could be.
I squated outside the guard house, trying my best to use my hand to cover my body ,and hide my head in between my knees. It was freezing cold. The rain keep splashing on me, i could heard the rough wind and cars passed by. Part of me hope that someone could stop and give me a hand. But no one did. I was so afraid, and lonely. I was helpless, and destitute of hopes. After 30 minutes, one of the guard who saw me ask me to take shelter in the guard house. I was out of choice.I'm on the verge of breaking down.I would hold on to any straw of hope,in this kind of circumstances.
But just 5 seconds later, i soon regret that i took his offer. There are 6 guards in the small guard house. And I am the only girl inside. Fear loom large in my mind. Sitting there alone to wait the rain to stop, I cant help but feeling depressed and rejected.I had lost the one that would care and love me unconditionally,the one that will put my safety and feeling before himself. My parents were getting older and weaker, and one day they will leave me like he did. And so did everyone that love and care for me. I feel alienated and desperate. Tears stinging the corner of my eyes. I tried my best to hold back the tears. It took me a long while to recover , thanks to the company of a kind friend.
However,just at this very night, I got the news, that my uncle had passed away. Like my life was not miserable enough, the destiny , again, showed me the cruelty of reality, and crushed down the weak barrier that I took so much effort to built to protect my own fragile soul and broken heart. What had I did, to deserve such a harse and cruel fate? to endure such a inhuman hardship?to experience such a heartbreaking feeling????
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